If I lived by the sea

Sabrina Anwar Qureshi, Pakistan

‘If I lived by the sea, I would never be sad.’

The euphonious voice dripped with longing and melancholy. Looking up from her book, from under her lashes, her vision crossed with the woman sitting across, staring intently. A small smile of understanding rested on her face. 

‘That's Sylvia Plath isn't it?’ 

Humming, she closed the book. 

They were sitting in a circle on small wooden chairs, an orange bulb lit the room. The handmade plate hung above the door with 'My Liberation Club' written over it. It was inspired by a drama. Seven of them were gathered there today to read their favourite lines from poetry. And those were hers. 

Miraal Haqq was a Middle School Teacher buried under the weight of keeping the family afloat. Her parents wished for her to settle down, an equivalent of cutting off her wings for her. Frustrated and overdriven, she joined this weekend club to find an escape. It was her third session with them already and she couldn't wait to attend many more of these. 

‘Well?’ The moderator of the group looked expectantly at Miraal.

Sighing, Miraal held her closed book in a firm grip. Looking around, she fumbled through her dash of vocabulary to begin elaborating. 

‘Sea,’ —in her breathy voice, she started, ‘rivers or oceans for that matter; they are all the gateways. Since my childhood, I've been a typical city girl living in between these buildings,’ she referred to the tall skyscrapers outside that room, ‘there's no space, no void that is just open and lets everything come in.’ A silence. 

Unsure if anybody understood the gibberish she spoke, her direction of vision first met with the woman she previously had looked at. The woman was leaning all the way back in her chair, her full attention devoted to Miraal, listening intently. After the pause, she looked as if she had understood. 

Miraal then looked around and saw that most of them had. 

The moderator smiled and picked it up from there. ‘Isn't that amazing? All of those trapped in this monotonous city life of rats find solace and escape, as for Miraal here, in words. Mere words...’ The moderator's voice trailed off. 

‘And the fact that some writers just have this ambience about them that invokes unknown emotions in us, rattling us to look further or go out in the world to feel them in person.’ Someone piped in.

A very small smile settled on her lips. They had understood. All of these seven women knew.

‘Yes.’ Miraal plucked up her courage again. ‘I am just a regular Middle School Teacher who has to deal with immature kids everyday who have not yet come out in the world. As much as there are pros, this routine clock life feels like a trap. But when I read this line last week, I could feel it. Imagine it. The waves of the ocean hitting against the sandy beach. The beaming sun in the morning and the cold breeze in the nights, some nights moonlit, others not.’ 

Miraal continued speaking. It was like someone had finally screwed open the tap in her soul and it was free flowing, letting it all out. 

That session the other woman had agreed on almost all her rants and even added so much from her own experience. 

She couldn't wait for the week to be over and see them again, especially that lady across from her who had such a unique aura around her. Her words had a finality and confidence in them and yet, they were just oh so kind always. 

________ 

It was Miraal's fourth time since she had come to know that woman. Her name was Gul Zareen. That was all she knew. It was a Friday: a weekend. Towards the end of yet another enthralling discussion, they were all done for the day. 

On their way out, Miraal held the strap of her tote tightly, fists of both hands gripping it. Releasing her lip from under her teeth, she walked forward and called out a name.

Miraal Haqq just had to ask tonight. 

The woman in her flowing sundress turned around, a smile resting on her face as always. ‘Yes?’ 

Miraal walked forward, they were out of the small building by now, standing on the pavement. 

‘I was wondering if you'd like to have some coffee or tea with me?’ 

Eyebrows raised, Gul looked at Miraal with some surprise. 

‘Asking me?’ 

She asked, still not believing her ears. The quiet woman was asking for a coffee together, thought Gul. 

‘Yes. You and me. I just thought we could get to know each other and maybe--’ Interrupting her, Gul spoke up. ‘Sure. I would love to.’ 

A welcoming smile rested on Gul's face. Miraal was looking to make a friend, she could tell. And she had chosen Gul after four long weeks. In some way, the romantic soul of Gul heard a call from Miraal. A cry to reach out. And Gul was never going to let go of that. 

‘Let's go.’ She waved with her hand to follow. Miraal was smiling ear to ear. ‘Thanks.’ An enthusiastic murmur. 

‘Ahh, no worries. It's an honour. You could've chosen anyone.’ 

‘Yeah..I just--’

‘You liked me so wanted to try and see if we could work out. We all need to make friends anyway. Believe or not, I joined not long before you as well and I was still adjusting to the group as you were.’ Gul's voice flowed confidently as if she knew Miraal from long ago. 

‘There's my favourite cafe, let's go there.’ Miraal suggested excitedly and both their steps quickened. 

Soon they were in the cafe, both had surprisingly ordered herbal iced tea, of different flavours though. 

‘So, tell me about yourself?’ Miraal was suddenly just out of her shell. The small quiet woman was now becoming a perky chatterbox. 

Chuckling at the transformation, Gul began. ‘I am a painter and I work with the Olympus Gallery. They recruited me around two years ago. I also teach at the art school.’ 

‘Artist?’ Miraal's voice was dreamy as she looked up at Gul with star-studded eyes. ‘I've never met a real artist before.’ That had Gul laughing and flustered. Waving it away, she shook her head. 

'I'm not that good.' 

'Oh, come on, let me live in this for a moment.' Miraal complained. Settling, they both had their tea and admired the scenery from the see-through glass panelled walls of the cafe.

'So... what made you join The Liberation Club?' 

This got Miraal quiet and thinking. Taking her time, she sighed. 

Sigh. A sigh conveys everything. 

Miraal's sigh was tired. 

'Well, as you know I am a Teacher.' Gul nodded encouragingly, her expressions of keen interest. 'Working as a Teacher and a Private tutor was all fun in the beginning. Slowly, it formed into this tiring routine of tending kids and going back home to prepare for the next day of tending kids. I was not enjoying the whole process. The burden was weighing on me. For some reason, I am not very close with my colleagues either. They all just seem so involved and happy at what they do. It was so suffocating until one evening I walked past our building and saw the poster on the wall. Reading's always been my thing. I thought of giving it a try. 

'I personally loved the motto. The Liberation Club. To feel Liberated.' 

Gul's expression had turned into one of empathy. 'Same!' She cried out. 'I am a painter and it's all fun and games, but I've been on an artist's block for the past few months. Everytime I pick up the brush, I just cannot help but throw away the brush and push away the canvas. Thrash it against the wall. I'm married by the way. My husband got very worried and asked me to seek some help, so I got a therapist. My therapist said I was frustrated and needed something new and investing to inspire me. I disagreed first but gave in later. Next thing I know, I see this poster and here I am.'

'We're both very similar in that aspect.' Miraal observed. 

'Oh love, all the humans are. Just not everyone's as courageous as we are.' Raised eyebrows, Miraal felt it hitting home. Her self esteem experienced a sudden boost. A small feeling of pride lit up. It was a small flame, but it was there and that was more than enough. 

That evening Miraal and Gul exchanged numbers, feeling somewhat liberated after their conversation about anything and everything. 

____ 

Since then, both the women were glued to their phones, exchanging messages. From their childhood dreams to their worst heartbreaks, all had been exchanged in the next few weeks. 

One day Gul invited her to the Gallery to see her artworks so after school, Miraal went straight to the Gallery. It was a marvellous place. From the architecture to the displays, it was all very beautiful. The walls were all grey or white, contrasting with the wood floor. 

Gul showed her all around the Gallery. A piece caught Miraal's eye. It was a painting by Gul herself, titled 'Spring'. A very rich and colourful painting of a large meadow of flowers with hills at the very back. The air was blowing, and the meadow was swinging towards the right. 

'This is just so brilliant Gul.' Miraal whispered in awe.

Gul was flustered with Miraal's expression of most sincere interest in her work. Miraal's eyes were moving from one detail to the other. It was a deja vu moment for Gul. The last time she witnessed someone this involved in her work was her husband when she married him, and he discovered she was not only a painter but had her works displayed in a gallery. 

'Gee thanks.' She said, pulling away Miraal to the next. 

When they were done, they both had some sandwiches and milkshakes outside the gallery, in its large garden. They were just talking about Gul's journey as a painter when Miraal was suddenly reminded of the painting. 

'That painting was so beautiful, Gul. You really are talented.' 

Chuckling, she hit her shoulder playfully. 'No amount of praise will get you a discount on that work.' 

Grinning, Miraal stuck her tongue out to Gul and they both went back to munching on their sandwiches. 

'I would love to go to a place like that. It would be just so ethereal, no?' Miraal spoke suddenly. 

'You've never been camping or somewhere?' Gul asked. 

'No, sadly. I didn't get the time to.'

'Too bad Miraal. You should take a leave and treat yourself.' Pouting, Gul looked at her friend who was trying to balance her wants and her needs. 

Miraal, on the other hand, was munching on her sandwich and looking ahead at the lush green scenery. The evening was now decorated in the sky. Light cold breeze was blowing as Miraal leaned back and just ate. 

Gul had gone back to eating too. She was picking on her sandwich, probably feeling bad for her friend. The wind was too light, and the milkshakes were very clean yet Miraal felt somewhat tipsy. 

Glancing at her friend, it dawned on Miraal that since she had befriended Gul, life seemed more fun now. Miraal did not have the time to weigh the future of their friendship and act, every moment, while thinking of unpleasant consequences in the future. And right now, in that moment, Miraal felt so much at peace. 

_ 

____________________ 

A year later; A day before Miraal's birthday. 

Miraal was done with her last class and was going to her office when her phone rang. It was Gul. Picking it up with a smile, she greeted.

'How is my friend today?' 

'Ahhh, Miraal. I'm in trouble.' Gul's voice drew on. 

That wiped off any smile that had crept up. 'What trouble do you mean?' 'Remember that Prize I was participating in? Well, the deadline's tomorrow night and I've nowhere even started.' 

'Ya Allah! What were you doing?' 

'Ughh, I don't know! I thought I could come up with some concept, but I'm still stuck.' 

'What will you do now?' Miraal felt her heart string being pulled with worry for her friend who finally had a comeback with a new series of paintings, after so much trouble. 

'So, I was thinking of driving down to this place. Could you please come along? Zamaan is working overtime today?' 

Miraal thought for a very small moment before agreeing. 'Ofcourse, yes.' 'Thanks, love! I'll see you at the schoolgate in twenty, okay?' 

'Alrighty.' 

Miraal went to her principal immediately and asked for an early leave plus a day off for the next day. Miraal had never taken any days off except the given since she had started working.

To say the principal was surprised would be an understatement. He readily agreed and signed away the slip. 

Miraal packed up her stuff and left the office to meet Gul who was already at the gate. Miraal offered to drive while Gul sat in the passenger seat. Gul quickly punched in the location and began. When Miraal saw the location, she looked questioningly at Gul. 

'It is a four-hour drive. I am sure that I'll be able to do something there, trust me. Thanks though.' 

'Nah, not a problem. Even if it wasn't important and you had asked me to drive you, I would have.' Miraal spoke before increasing the volume after connecting her playlist. 

Four hours later, Miraal saw herself driving on a road in the middle of huge fields and meadows, hills in the back. Soon, she was pulling in a spot on a camping site. Turning off the engine, Miraal got off as did Gul. Before her, all Miraal saw was a large meadow, clean lush green with flowers and shady trees on one side and the bank of the river on the other side. It was all green on one side until she couldn't see anymore. Turning to the other side, the river was too big, and it was flowing with gush, foams and waves far and wide. 

'Where are we?' 

'Spring.' Miraal's ear perked up at this. She turned to see Gul who was all dressed up and looked back at Miraal.

'What do you mean?' 

'I mean--' She took hold of Miraal's hand and dragged her to the back of the car, opening the trunk, 'Surprise!' 

Miraal was completely taken away, especially by the balloons that suddenly came up afloat, as if released out of a cage. 

'I don't understand.' 

Sighing, Gul started unloading the camping luggage she had brought. 'Well, last year when you saw my painting, you said you would love to visit a place like that so this year, for your birthday, this is my present. See? Spring all around you, from that painting. Just so much more better, the original version!' 

Miraal couldn't believe it and she turned once again to take in the scenery. She hadn't been out of the city in years. She hadn't seen flowing water except on TV. 

God, had it been so long! 

With a leaning arm against Miraal's shoulder, Gul asked, 'So, how do you like it?' 

Water had pooled around in Miraal's eyes. Her throat felt like closing up on itself. 'I-It's so so...'

'Aww, you are crying? Did this touch you so hard?' This had Miraal crying in a full-blown manner. She crouched down on the ground and started crying with sobs in between. 

Gul sat down on the ground as well and gave her a side hug that Miraal soon returned, still crying. 

'Thanks.' Miraal spoke in her meekly voice. 

'You are worth so much more, love!' 

'You lied though.' 

'I had to.' Gul patted Miraal's hair as they admired the scenery. 

_________ 

Tears had stopped shedding and they were now lounging on make-shift chairs under their make-shift shed with the help of the car's trunk door. Sipping on iced fruit sherbet, they both admired the sunset show happening then. Their favourite songs were playing on the car's speakers. 

Miraal turned to look at Gul who was having a golden hour moment with the last setting beams falling on parts of her, highlighting her features. Gul felt eyes on her and turned to see, raising an eyebrow. 

'I know I'm the best!' Grinning, Miraal rolled her eyes as they clinked their glasses.

Miraal had taken off her headscarf and was letting her hair feel the air. 

Since Gul came into her life, life just seemed so much gentler. Her burden and problems didn't seem so big anymore now that she had someone. Romance could come and go but, for Miraal, friendship was sacred. With each other's support, they worked on expanding their careers. Miraal had submitted her application for her PhD and was waiting for a response. 

One poster had led them both to this. 

Miraal felt that she had been liberated. 

Sabrina Anwar Qureshi, who goes by the alias AnirbasQ., is a Pakistani based amateur writer who has finally begun pursuing the career of her dream. She has graduated with an Honours in English Literature & Linguistics from National University of Modern Sciences. A die-hard fan of music, savoury cuisine, hoarding notebooks and pens, and taking care of her cat, she is currently writing her episodial story 'Burnt Children' on Wattpad. If doing none of the above, she is either reading or watching k-dramas.