How to Be a No Sabo Kid

Julissa Mendoza Robles, United States

As you grow older, you should learn more English and forget your Spanish. Your family members will still speak Spanish to you, but you need to stay strong and respond to them with the new English words you’ve learned from school. You need to let them hear your American accent and flawless grammar.

You know you’re doing a great job if your family teases you for not knowing Spanish despite the numerous times you’ve stated you understand Spanish. You’re playing the act perfectly if your family insults you in Spanish right in front of you because they are so convinced you don’t understand. You won’t fight back because they don’t understand your English insults. Even if your brain knew a Spanish insult, your tongue won’t let you emit it smoothly. In fact, you should be nicknamed after a word you mispronounced in Spanish years ago.

If you have to use Spanish, then you need to fuck up the accent. Don’t roll your r’s and don’t pronounce your j’s like h’s. It doesn’t matter how much of a dog person you are, you will never say “perro” because no matter how hard you try it will only ever sound like the conjunction “pero” and make people laugh with delight at your mispronunciation! The only times you should use Spanish are to ask for help, order food, and greet someone. Of course, after greeting someone, you won’t continue the conversation after saying you’ve been doing good too.

You’ll know you have the right balance when your white friends compliment your Spanish but your family still insults you. You’re doing it right if you’re the designated Spanish singer at karaoke nights with your friends but, when you sing in Spanish at concerts, your family refuses to believe you understand what the artist is saying. You’re doing it right when the customer you’re serving at your diner job starts talking to you in broken English after you don’t understand one word they said even if you spoke flawless Spanish when you took their order five minutes ago.

You’re doing it wrong if you laugh at jokes written in Spanish. You’re doing it wrong if you learn more Spanish from your coworkers that want to hold a conversation with you. You’re doing it wrong if you explain to people the meaning of the Spanish lyrics you listen to. You’re doing it wrong if you start to consider taking Spanish classes. You’re doing it wrong if you stop caring about whether or not your family makes fun of your accent. You’re a terrible no sabo kid if you start to believe that your broken Spanish accent doesn’t invalidate your Hispanic identity.

You’re a terrible no sabo kid if you start to believe that your broken Spanish accent doesn’t invalidate your Hispanic identity.

Julissa Mendoza Robles is a 21-year-old writer passionate about music and Latin American literature. She is studying journalism to one day write about Latin music for Rolling Stone. Outside of journalism, she loves to write short stories and creative nonfiction. Her work has been featured in Amaranth, Blue Marble Review, Girls Like Magazine, Melodic Magazine, and The Imperfect Zine. You can find her listening to Bad Bunny or dreaming of a work trip to Miami.